Here's what I know... how to survive Valentine's Day

If you had to admit it, aren't you just a wee bit nervous about tonight?

Here's what I know...

(1) Plan to act surprised and excited; "act" being the operative word. Even if you know where you are going tonight because you snooped in his blackberry, feign surprise when you arrive there. And even if you have been to his restaurant choice 15 other times, pretend to be excited when you get there; after all this is the first time you are going there with him. He will be crestfallen if you act any other way.

(2) Keep how many cute gifts you schlep to the restaurant to a minimum. No sense looking like a tourist for christ sake. Plus keep in mind that it's only V-Day not his first Christmas!

(3) Dress sexy tonight; it is a dress or a skirt night, girls! Even if it snows, don that sexy dress, and let him see that you are putting forth the effort.

(4) Wear sexy lingerie or at very least matching bra and panties. You are going to get action tonight and just like you wouldn't want to end up joining the mile high club with unshaven legs, the same applies to lingerie of V-Day!

(5) You need to be prepared to "eww and ahhh" about his attempt at romance, no matter what. If you don't, he will never try again and certainly some effort is better than no effort!!

(6) Plan on being frisky. V-Day is the best foreplay so keep in mind that tonight is not the night to have a headache, skimp on the BJ or have to check on the kids.

Here's what I know... Rules for Valentine's Day gifts for MEN

Are you a little overwhelmed trying to figure out the right gifts to get your honey this year for Valentine's Day?

Here's what I know...

(1) Men prefer practical and useful over sentimental. He would rather get a new wallet than "personalized post-its' with your names on them or a heart frame with a photo of the two of you for his bedside.

(2) Men get freaked out by too much cute. He will be okay with one cute card, he will think his head is exploding if you get him eight! He will be okay with one Valentinesy stuffed animal thing but he will break up with you immediately if he comes home to an animal kingdom of red and pink sleeping on his bed!

(3) Men prefer sexy to raunchy. Yes, not a bad gift idea to get yourself sexy lingerie, greet him at the door in it and give him a gift certificate for an erotic 1 hour massage. Very bad gift idea to greet him at the door in a dominatrix outfit, black nails, black lipstick and nipple rings, unless he is into that kind of stuff and then it's probably not a gift because you are already doing that!

(4) Men like gadgets- this is a easy gift, it's safe and he will appreciate it. Find him an accessory for his Ipod or just look on the Sharper Image site-there will be something there.

(5) Togetherness gifts are not good gifts for men. A romantic couples massage class or tickets to a Broadway show are gifts girls like, not guys! Buy him something that he will enjoy himself and something you might not even like.

(6) Get the opinion of one of your MALE friends about your gifts and cards BEFORE you give them to your guy, so that your friend can approve them and confirm to you that come Sunday morning you will still have a boyfriend!

Here's what I know... Guys are intimidated by Valentine's Day

Did you ever notice that when you talk to a guy about Valentine's Day, he will say that it is a girl holiday or just a Hallmark holiday and he doesn't believe in it????

Here's what I know...

(1) Valentine's Day has been scaring the be-jesus out of men for centuries.

(2) Men know that V-Day is the day they have to step up and be a little romantic- it's like when they have to sing karaoke when they have a terrible voice- if everyone is doing it, they have to as well.

(3) Men put a lot of pressure on themselves to do V-day "exactly right" and as a result most of the time they do it exactly wrong!

(4) Men don't believe their girl when she says that "it's the thought that counts" and that they don't need to do anything fancy. They don't believe her because they have "lived through" torturous Valentine's days in the past.

(5) Men don't really give a crap about Valentine's Day even if they say they do. It's like when they feign excitement about going to the opera, the dentist or a Barry Manilow concert. Hence, any effort they put forth, any effort at all, a gal should be excited about and should praise.

(6) Men can't write gushy poems, they just can't, so don't expect one and be happy if he buys you are card and signs "love." Yes, we have all heard a guy read a poem that he supposedly wrote for his girl at a wedding or birthday party, but chances are, his best female friend or his sister wrote it or he copied it off the Internet; trust me, he didn't write it himself!

Here's what I know... Women need romance on Valentine's Day

Are you a little nervous about how to romance your gal on Valentine's Day?

Here's what I know...

(1) Women love Valentine's Day and will be very upset and disappointed if you don't do something.

(2) Chances are you will never be as romantic as she wants you to be, so just try your best to be sweet.

(3) Spend time thinking about THE SPECIFIC GIRL you are dating and what she likes. Don't go buy her what your ex- girlfriend liked or what your sister would like. Buy her something she specifically would like.

(4) Be creative and thoughtful. Most women prefer this to expensive impersonal gifts. (Although a splurge gift is nice to as long as its from the heart!)

(5) Make sure you get her a Card. She is expecting one and if you don't get her one, this will cause a fight. You don't have to go all mushy, even a funny one is fine; just get one!

(6)Keep in mind that she is hoping you won't screw up but at the same time, she is actually expecting you to screw up. This is a good thing for you because the bar is very low. Just try to be romantic and she will notice and appreciate the effort!

Here's what I know... Saturday night is still considered date night

Have you ever noticed that even though there is no longer such a thing as Saturday night date night, that you still feel a little off-kilter when you don't have date on a Saturday?

Here's what I know...

(1) Most people these days don't bat an eyelash about going out alone during the week but they feel differently about it on Saturdays.

(2) People don't seem to notice if someone is alone most nights of the week, but they notice this on Saturday nights.

(3) Many women will choose to stay home on a Saturday night if their only option is to go out with the girls.

(4) Many people who have plans pretty much every night of the week often find themselves without plans on Saturday night if they aren't dating anyone. You are not alone in this.

(5) If you are dating someone, you should be taking them out on Saturday nights. If you are not, they are wondering why you are not.

(6) If you are choosing to go out with your friends on a Saturday night as opposed to on a date with someone you are seeing, you probably don't like that person all that much.

(7) Many people feel like Saturday night is "amateur night" at most bars and clubs. However, keep in mind that you can meet someone anywhere, any night of week, so be open-minded!

Here's what I know...A guy won't email you back until he knows when he can see you next

Did you ever notice that if a guy doesn't know when he can see you next, he just doesn't answer your email at all???

Here's what I know...

(1)Most girls can answer part of an email- focus on a section and leave the other section until later, most guys cannot.

(2)Most girls think it's proper to answer an email in a timely fashion, if only to say that she doesn't have the answer to a question right now; most guys would never admit not having that answer, they will just wait to email back until they have the answer

(3)Most girls will actually write in an email that she isn't sure when she can get together and that will get back to the guy at a later time when she does know; most guys won't do that, they don't think there is any value in saying something this.

(4)Most guys don't see the value in idle chitchat with a girl that he just started to date until he has figured out in his head when he can see her next. Girls love idle chitchat.

(5)Most guys don't realize that a girl will determine with 10 of her girlfriends that if a guy doesn't email back right away, he is no longer interested. Most guys refrain from getting their guy friends opinions especially about emails.

(6)Most guys don't realize that a girl will "kind of" not make plans for the weekend until she knows whether there is any remote possibility that she can see the guy she likes. Many times she will even end up plan-less for the whole weekend because she was waiting. She shouldn't be waiting, but she always does!

(7)Most girls would like guys to realize all of the above or at least try to realize!

Here's what I know...Women and the Super Bowl

Did you ever notice that a girlwill forego watching the Super Bowl if there is a cute guy in the room?

Here's what I know...

(1)No matter what, girls care more about boys than they do about football.

(2)Girls go to Super Bowl parties to meet boys even if they claim that they love the sport.

(3)Girls pick Super Bowl outfits that are just casual enough with a hint of sexy. This choosing process takes a long time and the women walk a fine line here... a short skirt, high boots and a sexy top just doesn't cut it at a Super Bowl party, but a short shirt, high boots and a "Go Cardinals" t-shirt might!

(4)Girls spend more time thinking about where they are going to watch the Super Bowl than a guys does even though chances are, she has no intention of watching the game!

(5)Girls like to organize the "box game" even though they have no idea how it really works. This is a great excuse to meet every guy in the room!

(6)Girls love to bet the game, but not for money, usually for some "flirtation" prize like a massage or cocktails with the "man of the hour"!

Here's what I know...Kissing is the most important thing

Did you ever notice that if the kiss sucks, then the game is over???

Here's what I know...

(1)The kiss is the prelude to all things sexual.

(2) The kiss can be more sexual than sex.

(3)Women love to make-out for hours, so do men... in the beginning, but then they get over it real fast!

(4)Kissing gives women butterflies more than any other sexual activity. The kiss is what will make her have a smile on her face tomorrow at 3pm when she is thinking about you.

(5)Bad breath can cause a kiss not to happen but if you go for it anyway, bad breath goes away once you are kissing. Yuck, I know.

(6)Some people kiss well immediately, other people need to get used to each other. Don't be discouraged if it isn't perfect instantaneously- if you focus, you can change that baby right away.

(7)People can follow your rhythm if you are a good kisser. It's like dancing!

Here's what I know...Texting is ruining good dating

Have you ever been in a circumstance where you literally don't utter one verbal word to a person with whom you are going on a date until you see them live on the date??

Here's what I know...

(1)Texting is meant to supplement calls and dates, not replace them.

(2)If you met someone and you are planning to take them out, you need to log in a call, even for 5 minutes just to say hello before the date.

(3)Regardless of how busy you think you are, you are no busier than anyone else out there; if they have time to talk to you, you should have time to talk to them.

(4)There is no substitute for verbal banter.

(5)Girls assume that if you really like them, you would find time to pick up the phone and call. Hence, if you really do like them, you are doing yourself a disservice by not calling.

(6)People find text abbreviations annoying and hard to understand. Old fashioned chatting from time to time just might be easier.

Here's what I know...You won't get over your ex until you find someone new

Did you ever notice that you are never get over the last guy, until you find the next guy?

Here's what I know...

(1) As much as you think you can stay in touch with the Ex while you are looking for the "next" you can't.

(2) As much as you think you need your ex's friendship to survive, you don't. You need to find a new friend or you will never find a new guy.

(3) As much as you think you can date your ex casually and date other guys at the same time, you can't. You won't be giving those other guys a fair chance, you just won't be.

(4) As much as you think you will be better off mentally if you keep having sex with your ex while you are starting to date, you won't be. And no, this won't keep you from being sleazy or from sleeping with a new guy too quickly. You can rationalize whatever you want, but sex with the ex, is only that, sex with the ex.

(5) Yes, you will get over the ex eventually but first you need to get rid of him so you can meet someone else. Then you can take him back, but as a friend, on your own terms.

Here's what I know...Bad party pick-up etiquette

I couldn't help but observe some god-awful "party pick-up etiquette." God awful...


So here's what I know...

(1) If... you are standing right next to a girl for more than 5 minutes and she doesn't give you a smile, or a look, let alone a glance in your direction, she is either fully not interested in talking to you or super immature and playing the high school game. (And if you are 40 plus, you should not be interested in playing that high school game back!)

(2)If... you know you are a pretty damn good story teller, and you are telling a pretty damn good story, and the girl you are trying to pick-up is blackberrying the whole time you are speaking, she is either fully not interested or again, super high school immature. And again, you should move on!

(3)If... your only way of getting a girl to stick around to talk to you is by buying her a drink and you know that as soon as that drink comes, she is going to "have to" go to the bathroom, don't waste your money- times are tough these days. And if you do buy the drink anyway and she does walk away immediately, accept that you were a sucker and try not to let it happen again!

Love at first site?

Do you believe in love at first site? Is it possible for you to meet someone when you are a child, have a momentary infatuation and then end up together much later on?? Can there be that one person who you met for just a moment in time, two ships passing in the night who is your intended?

I will tell you why I am asking...

I have the cutest niece; everyone, even little boys who are supposed to think girls have cooties, thinks she is adorable. Well, yesterday, we were out to lunch at a place called Christopher's, a super kid-friendly restaurant in the burbs of Philadelphia, you know the type of place- all the placements are coloring book pages, there are crayons on the tables and every kid gets a balloon upon entry. Well, needless to say, there were a lot of kids there especially on the day after Thanksgiving when no schools are in session.

We sat down at a table next to another family and right away, my three year niece started flirting with the boy sitting at the table next to ours. Yup, she was flirting, batting her eyes and giggling a lot (yes, she takes after her aunt!) I might not have been so fascinated with their flirtation except for the fact that the boy wasn't 3 like my niece is, he was much older, he had to be at least 8 years old, a young man! And he was so taken with my 3 year old niece.

They chatted for the next little while, mostly with the little boy teasing my niece and asking her questions. We discovered that the family was from Vermont, they were visiting their relatives in Philadelphia for Thanksgiving and that the boy was 10. We teased him that 10 might be a little old for a 3 year old, but he immediately retorted that his parents were 7 years apart as well.

Then, I, being the perma-matchmaker, made a joke that, perhaps, in 7 years, he could return to our neighborhood, go to college here and date our precocious niece when he was 18 and she was 11. He seemed to like this idea and reassured us that right after lunch, they were going to go on a campus tour!

Then, I told my niece to ask him his name which she did and to her utter glee, his name was Jack, the same name as her new 3 months old baby brother! The big Jack got a kick out of this coincidence as well because he told us that his dad had the same name as his mom's brother, whereby insinuating that if he and my niece ended up together, they would be just like his parents- 7 years apart and with the same ironic name game combination!

The meal ended and to both big Jack and my niece's disappointment, Jack and his family took their leave. Jack said goodbye to my niece and to us and walked off with his family. On the way out the door, I saw him glance back one more time, for that one last glance.

It made me wonder...maybe my niece and Jack had that chance encounter, that one moment that we are all waiting for our whole lives and maybe they didn't even know it. Big Jack was joking around but maybe he knew something without even knowing it, that he met his girl! Maybe somehow he just felt that pull towards my niece and felt that some time, far off in the future they would meet again, somehow, someway and remember the baby talk at Christopher's on the day after Thanksgiving.

Perhaps we all met "him" or "her" when we were young and carefree and don't even realize it. Perhaps our boyfriends or husbands were in our lives in the past and are intended to come back around when the time is right. Perhaps...

I believe in fate. Do you?

"Sup"?!

Just a thought... If you had to guess whether or not a 30-something single girl would want a guy who she just started dating and hadn't heard from in several days to text her at 11 o clock at night and just write one word to her, "Sup", what would you guess??

I mean what the hell does"Sup" mean anyway? Does this guy think he is some hip-hop, gangster guy and he is trying to say "What's up" not just as "Whassup?" but now even cooler?

Hello... how about considering your audience- a 30-something single girl, living on the upper east side, who wears Jimmy Choos and DVF-does he really think that this girl would relate to, appreciate or understand the word "Sup"?! Especially at 11pm at night, especially when she was hoping for a litle more encouragement!

What is he stuck in a 50 cent video?

Ever heard of... "Hey, how are you?" Ever heard of plain old "Hi." Girls aren't so picky these days; they just wants words they can find in Websters. Remember Websters?

Hmmm... just a thought.

A thought... The lone guy in the corner

I went to a party last night; it was one of those "fashion" parties at the Brooks Brothers store on 44th St. It was sponsored by Town and Country magazine and was for Ovarian cancer research. Beautiful party, such a pretty store, good food, but somehow they forgot to invite men. In terms of the ratio of women to men, without exaggeration, probably 90 women to every 1 man; typical of these fashion parties.

And the irony of all ironies, I noticed this one guy, very handsome and well dressed, no ring and no apparent affectation, sitting on a chair, in the corner, reading the Town and Country magazine, ALONE, even with his odds stacked SO high for meeting a woman. He literally was just sitting alone. My first thought- he's gay; it would make sense considering that he was so well dressed and at a party with almost all women. My second thought, he's in a relationship/married and his girlfriend is mingling and he is sitting waiting for her, sort of like a man does when he's dragged shoe shopping at Barneys on the weekend. My third thought- maybe he's available and overwhelmed by all the ladies.

So... this made me wonder... do men actually get intimidated when they are surrounded by SO many women??? I always thought that men are like kids in the candy store and they want so many women to choose from- but is there a time or a number when so many is too many? For example, if a man had 5 to choose from, could he handle that, but 97, would that just be too many???

And then, what about the women- if they are at a party of this sort with very few men, do they just write off their chances of meeting a man that night? Or could it be that meeting that one hot guy might even be easier in a circumstance like last night- where he was alone and available for the taking???

Yet given this backdrop, lonely boy (to coin Gossip girl) was still all alone; he didn't approach and no one approached him. It was a crazy notion, especially because he was really handsome. So... I did what any self respecting matchmaker and sociable person could possibly do... I approached him.

Sure enough- fully single, not gay, double Ivy educated, good job, philanthropic, runs the marathon and most importantly, so happy to have been approached.

Moral of the story... just say hi to the lone guy in the corner... you never know!