Here's what I know... Men approach a certain "type" of girl at a bar

Did you ever wonder why some women get hit on in a bar or at a party while other do not?

Here's what I know...

(1) Most men think that they approach a woman because of her looks, but most of time that is just a small part of it, that is the initial draw only.

(2) Men actually wind up being "attracted attracted" to the energy or essence of the woman and many things factor into this, not just looks.

(3) Often times, a man will initially approach a group of girls because one girl in particular caught his eye. However personality and energy can change that dynamic very quickly, so always let him see your good side.

(4) Men like women who smile- this makes them glow. Men are not drawn to negative sour pusses at all. You need to believe this and if you are feeling negative, you are better off staying home.

(5) Men like women who have welcoming energy. Most men get nervous about the approach- they are afraid of getting rejected so it's much easier to approach an approachable woman.

(6) Men like women who play a little hard to get by acting a little mysterious and a little aloof but as a woman you need to know how far to take it. There is a big difference between flirty aloof and just plain bitchy and negative.

PS... Check out another blog that I really like called Single-ish. It's written by Erin Meanley of Glamour Magazine.

Here's what I know... Women pay attention to patterns of behaviour

Did you ever notice that women keep track of everything specific thing that goes on in a dating situation and men remember things more generally.

Here's what I know...

(1) Women pay attention to every little thing that happens when she is dating and she microanalyzes all of it with her friends. She knows she shouldn't do this because this is always when "her crazy" starts to rear it's ugly head, but most women can't help it.

(2) As soon as a woman "likes likes" a guy, she gets nervous that it's all going to blow up, and is constantly searching for the slightest little thing that might alert her to the fact that things are going awry, so she can be mentally prepared. When the patterns stay constant, this keeps her calm.

(3) The most common thing a woman will microanalyze is a man's pattern of behaviour- he wrote long flowing emails all last week and only one word answers this week or he made sure to ask me out 6 days in advance last week, but this week it was only the day before and then try to make the change mean "something."

(4) Immediately when a pattern of behaviour changes, a woman believes that you have changed how you feel about her and has a hard time believing that you couldn't call her or email her for 24 hours because you were crazed at work or you didn't call her when you got home from a guy's night because you passed alone, not with a bodacious blond!

(5) Women tend to keep their pattern of behaviour observations to themselves and to their "council of friends" until they can't take it anymore and then they will hit you with "the laundry list" which will always scare the crap out of you because most days, you can't remember if you put on clean socks.

(6) If you like a girl, try to stay consistent with her and if you need to change your behaviour for legitimate reasons, just clue her in. "Just wanted to let you know that I have a presentation on Friday so I won't be able to see you for the next few nights." "I am going out with my derelict college buddies, who I only see one time a year, and I will probably get wasted and pass out." Or "I am not a big sleep-over during the week guy, but I can learn." Communication can save her a lot of anxiety and save you from a big unnecessary blow-up!

Here's what I know... A woman's definition of "sweet"

Did you ever notice that a woman gets more excited about telling her friends how sweet you were than she was when you were so sweet to her?

Here's what I know...

(1) Women love sweet gestures. They make them feel all gooey inside.

(2) Sweet is different from giving an 'obligation gift" on a birthday or on Valentine's Day. Sweet is when you get her flowers on a Tuesday, "just because" or when you send her an e-card or "a special email" (instead of your usual grunted, one word answers) just to say you were thinking of her.

(3) Sweet is the thing that the girls will brag about to their friends for a very long time."How sweet is this, he figured out from an old photo album that I love purple tulips and then he scanned the city to find them because they are so rare and got them for me. I never even told him that I love purple tulips and hate red roses, he just figured it out. Isn't that soooooo sweet?!"

(4) Sweet doesn't have to be expensive or even cost anything. Think...whatever will make her and her friends say "ahhhhh!"

(5) Sweet is different than sappy or queer. Sweet is when you bring her chicken soup and leave it with her doorman. Sappy is when you fly home to bring her chicken soup or you take off a day of work to rub her feet.

(6) Sweet is different than stalkerish. Sweet is when you remember that she loves rice pudding and you drop it off to her doorman while she is at the office, so she has a pleasant surprise when she gets home. Stalkerish is when you are sitting in her lobby waiting for her with rice pudding without telling her you were stopping by!

Here's what I know... When it's "right", it shouldn't be so complicated

Did you ever notice how sometimes you are literally trying to fit a square peg into a round hole when it comes to dating, but you are just so damn close to the situation that you don't see how ridiculous and wrong it all is?

Here's what I know...

(1) He should want to see you and see you a lot; if you are trying to convince him of this, this isn't the right sitch for you.

(2) Guys love sex, especially when they first start dating you; if he doesn't attack you and a lot, this isn't the right guy for you.

(3) People who like each other, find time for each other without spreadsheets and the help of two assistants!

(4) People who like each other compromise and makes things work because they like each other.

(5) Weekends are for couples, so if you have never seen him on one, something is not right!

(6) Guys like to show off their gal to everybody when they like their gal; so if you are fighting over meeting his family, his friends or even his dog, it's too complicated or he's married, so get out!

Here's what I know... "Must-haves" go out the window when you like someone

Did you ever notice that as soon as you "like like" someone, all those "must-haves", those characteristics that you absolutely thought you needed in a life partner get rationalized away?

Here's what I know...

(1) When you "like like" someone, you will start thinking to yourself that being with someone with a full head of hair or who can ski and golf just isn't that important.

(2) When you "like like" someone, you start wondering why you thought that one quality was oh so important yesterday but now today it just doesn't see to matter, especially when he is so generous in bed or when he bought you the most thoughtful Valentine's Day gift.

(3) Once you have been dating for a long time, you realize that connection is rare, so if you find someone who has many of the things you are looking for, but not everything, you tend to overlook the missing things.

(4) You should subscribe to my "85 % rule." If you find someone who has 85 % of the things you are looking for, you should run to the altar instead of holding off for the 100 % that you will NEVER get. Keep in mind, that if you "throw back" 85% to go fish again; the next person will just be 85% again, just a different 85%.

(5) "Love" makes you forget the little stupid things that aren't really that important because you feel happy.

(6) Everyone has a list of "non-negotiables" when it comes to finding their mate, but many times several things on that list really aren't non-negotiables, they are really just "preferences" that you can rationalize away in a heartbeat when you find the right person.

Here's what I know...If you smile, you can get a guy

Did you ever notice how you get a lot of opposite sex attention when you are feeling good about yourself and in a good mood and how you are pretty much ignored when you are sporting the sour puss?

Here's what I know...

(1) Men like happy women.

(2) Men might say they are attracted to negative girls or dramatic girls but they don't wind up marrying those girls or staying married to those girls.

(3) Men get reamed all day at work. When they come home at night they want happy and easy- this is what they are really looking for when they are flirting.

(4) A happy girl with positive energy who isn't that pretty will attract more guys than the sour puss supermodel, at least for the long haul.

(5) If you have positive energy, you should stay clear of your negative friends, they will just repel the men.

(6) A smile is welcoming, it just is.

Here's what I know... how to survive Valentine's Day

If you had to admit it, aren't you just a wee bit nervous about tonight?

Here's what I know...

(1) Plan to act surprised and excited; "act" being the operative word. Even if you know where you are going tonight because you snooped in his blackberry, feign surprise when you arrive there. And even if you have been to his restaurant choice 15 other times, pretend to be excited when you get there; after all this is the first time you are going there with him. He will be crestfallen if you act any other way.

(2) Keep how many cute gifts you schlep to the restaurant to a minimum. No sense looking like a tourist for christ sake. Plus keep in mind that it's only V-Day not his first Christmas!

(3) Dress sexy tonight; it is a dress or a skirt night, girls! Even if it snows, don that sexy dress, and let him see that you are putting forth the effort.

(4) Wear sexy lingerie or at very least matching bra and panties. You are going to get action tonight and just like you wouldn't want to end up joining the mile high club with unshaven legs, the same applies to lingerie of V-Day!

(5) You need to be prepared to "eww and ahhh" about his attempt at romance, no matter what. If you don't, he will never try again and certainly some effort is better than no effort!!

(6) Plan on being frisky. V-Day is the best foreplay so keep in mind that tonight is not the night to have a headache, skimp on the BJ or have to check on the kids.

Here's what I know... Rules for Valentine's Day gifts for MEN

Are you a little overwhelmed trying to figure out the right gifts to get your honey this year for Valentine's Day?

Here's what I know...

(1) Men prefer practical and useful over sentimental. He would rather get a new wallet than "personalized post-its' with your names on them or a heart frame with a photo of the two of you for his bedside.

(2) Men get freaked out by too much cute. He will be okay with one cute card, he will think his head is exploding if you get him eight! He will be okay with one Valentinesy stuffed animal thing but he will break up with you immediately if he comes home to an animal kingdom of red and pink sleeping on his bed!

(3) Men prefer sexy to raunchy. Yes, not a bad gift idea to get yourself sexy lingerie, greet him at the door in it and give him a gift certificate for an erotic 1 hour massage. Very bad gift idea to greet him at the door in a dominatrix outfit, black nails, black lipstick and nipple rings, unless he is into that kind of stuff and then it's probably not a gift because you are already doing that!

(4) Men like gadgets- this is a easy gift, it's safe and he will appreciate it. Find him an accessory for his Ipod or just look on the Sharper Image site-there will be something there.

(5) Togetherness gifts are not good gifts for men. A romantic couples massage class or tickets to a Broadway show are gifts girls like, not guys! Buy him something that he will enjoy himself and something you might not even like.

(6) Get the opinion of one of your MALE friends about your gifts and cards BEFORE you give them to your guy, so that your friend can approve them and confirm to you that come Sunday morning you will still have a boyfriend!

Here's what I know... Guys are intimidated by Valentine's Day

Did you ever notice that when you talk to a guy about Valentine's Day, he will say that it is a girl holiday or just a Hallmark holiday and he doesn't believe in it????

Here's what I know...

(1) Valentine's Day has been scaring the be-jesus out of men for centuries.

(2) Men know that V-Day is the day they have to step up and be a little romantic- it's like when they have to sing karaoke when they have a terrible voice- if everyone is doing it, they have to as well.

(3) Men put a lot of pressure on themselves to do V-day "exactly right" and as a result most of the time they do it exactly wrong!

(4) Men don't believe their girl when she says that "it's the thought that counts" and that they don't need to do anything fancy. They don't believe her because they have "lived through" torturous Valentine's days in the past.

(5) Men don't really give a crap about Valentine's Day even if they say they do. It's like when they feign excitement about going to the opera, the dentist or a Barry Manilow concert. Hence, any effort they put forth, any effort at all, a gal should be excited about and should praise.

(6) Men can't write gushy poems, they just can't, so don't expect one and be happy if he buys you are card and signs "love." Yes, we have all heard a guy read a poem that he supposedly wrote for his girl at a wedding or birthday party, but chances are, his best female friend or his sister wrote it or he copied it off the Internet; trust me, he didn't write it himself!

Here's what I know... Saturday night is still considered date night

Have you ever noticed that even though there is no longer such a thing as Saturday night date night, that you still feel a little off-kilter when you don't have date on a Saturday?

Here's what I know...

(1) Most people these days don't bat an eyelash about going out alone during the week but they feel differently about it on Saturdays.

(2) People don't seem to notice if someone is alone most nights of the week, but they notice this on Saturday nights.

(3) Many women will choose to stay home on a Saturday night if their only option is to go out with the girls.

(4) Many people who have plans pretty much every night of the week often find themselves without plans on Saturday night if they aren't dating anyone. You are not alone in this.

(5) If you are dating someone, you should be taking them out on Saturday nights. If you are not, they are wondering why you are not.

(6) If you are choosing to go out with your friends on a Saturday night as opposed to on a date with someone you are seeing, you probably don't like that person all that much.

(7) Many people feel like Saturday night is "amateur night" at most bars and clubs. However, keep in mind that you can meet someone anywhere, any night of week, so be open-minded!

Here's what I know: Women date "personality"

Did you ever notice how many very pretty women date okay looking men?

Here' s what I know...

(1) Women care more about personality than looks.

(2) Women can grow to love someone if she is attracted to his personality.

(3) Women can change their mind about how attracted they are to a guy if she starts connecting with him over commonalities and interests.

(4) Women will think that a guy with a great personality is hot whether as she will pass on a great looking man who just isn't funny or interesting.

(5) Women will walk out on sex if she isn't feeling chemistry.

(6) As a guy, you are better off being funny than being handsome. However, both doesn't hurt!

Here's what I know...People make "time" for those they are "into"

Right about now, people are revisiting the notion of what "he's just not that into you" means. because the movie is hitting the theatres this week.

So here's what I know...

(1)People make time for those they like, but time can come in many different forms.

(2)Before you write-off a guy or a girl because you are not getting the traditional "face to face, uninterrupted, I love you, kiss, kiss, kiss" time you want, take a real look at the time you are getting and try appreciating that time.

(3)Time might mean taking the time to write a sweet email as opposed to a one word "grunt" answer.

(4)Time might mean taking the time to explain why one needs to go MIA or why one isn't going to be available for the next several days, a week.

(5)Time might mean remembering something silly you said once in passing and then referencing it on the phone or in an email.

(6)Time might mean answering your call for 30 seconds during a business function.

(7)Time might mean remembering to make a Valentine's reservation in the midst of working 16 hour days because one is in the middle of losing one's biggest client or trying to avoid being one of the 10,000 people one's company is laying off.

Remember.... Whether or not "he's just not that into you" is never black and white!

Here's what I know...A guy won't email you back until he knows when he can see you next

Did you ever notice that if a guy doesn't know when he can see you next, he just doesn't answer your email at all???

Here's what I know...

(1)Most girls can answer part of an email- focus on a section and leave the other section until later, most guys cannot.

(2)Most girls think it's proper to answer an email in a timely fashion, if only to say that she doesn't have the answer to a question right now; most guys would never admit not having that answer, they will just wait to email back until they have the answer

(3)Most girls will actually write in an email that she isn't sure when she can get together and that will get back to the guy at a later time when she does know; most guys won't do that, they don't think there is any value in saying something this.

(4)Most guys don't see the value in idle chitchat with a girl that he just started to date until he has figured out in his head when he can see her next. Girls love idle chitchat.

(5)Most guys don't realize that a girl will determine with 10 of her girlfriends that if a guy doesn't email back right away, he is no longer interested. Most guys refrain from getting their guy friends opinions especially about emails.

(6)Most guys don't realize that a girl will "kind of" not make plans for the weekend until she knows whether there is any remote possibility that she can see the guy she likes. Many times she will even end up plan-less for the whole weekend because she was waiting. She shouldn't be waiting, but she always does!

(7)Most girls would like guys to realize all of the above or at least try to realize!

Here's what I know...Women and the Super Bowl

Did you ever notice that a girlwill forego watching the Super Bowl if there is a cute guy in the room?

Here's what I know...

(1)No matter what, girls care more about boys than they do about football.

(2)Girls go to Super Bowl parties to meet boys even if they claim that they love the sport.

(3)Girls pick Super Bowl outfits that are just casual enough with a hint of sexy. This choosing process takes a long time and the women walk a fine line here... a short skirt, high boots and a sexy top just doesn't cut it at a Super Bowl party, but a short shirt, high boots and a "Go Cardinals" t-shirt might!

(4)Girls spend more time thinking about where they are going to watch the Super Bowl than a guys does even though chances are, she has no intention of watching the game!

(5)Girls like to organize the "box game" even though they have no idea how it really works. This is a great excuse to meet every guy in the room!

(6)Girls love to bet the game, but not for money, usually for some "flirtation" prize like a massage or cocktails with the "man of the hour"!

Here's what I know...Kissing is the most important thing

Did you ever notice that if the kiss sucks, then the game is over???

Here's what I know...

(1)The kiss is the prelude to all things sexual.

(2) The kiss can be more sexual than sex.

(3)Women love to make-out for hours, so do men... in the beginning, but then they get over it real fast!

(4)Kissing gives women butterflies more than any other sexual activity. The kiss is what will make her have a smile on her face tomorrow at 3pm when she is thinking about you.

(5)Bad breath can cause a kiss not to happen but if you go for it anyway, bad breath goes away once you are kissing. Yuck, I know.

(6)Some people kiss well immediately, other people need to get used to each other. Don't be discouraged if it isn't perfect instantaneously- if you focus, you can change that baby right away.

(7)People can follow your rhythm if you are a good kisser. It's like dancing!

Here's what I know...Texting is ruining good dating

Have you ever been in a circumstance where you literally don't utter one verbal word to a person with whom you are going on a date until you see them live on the date??

Here's what I know...

(1)Texting is meant to supplement calls and dates, not replace them.

(2)If you met someone and you are planning to take them out, you need to log in a call, even for 5 minutes just to say hello before the date.

(3)Regardless of how busy you think you are, you are no busier than anyone else out there; if they have time to talk to you, you should have time to talk to them.

(4)There is no substitute for verbal banter.

(5)Girls assume that if you really like them, you would find time to pick up the phone and call. Hence, if you really do like them, you are doing yourself a disservice by not calling.

(6)People find text abbreviations annoying and hard to understand. Old fashioned chatting from time to time just might be easier.

Here's what I know...You won't get over your ex until you find someone new

Did you ever notice that you are never get over the last guy, until you find the next guy?

Here's what I know...

(1) As much as you think you can stay in touch with the Ex while you are looking for the "next" you can't.

(2) As much as you think you need your ex's friendship to survive, you don't. You need to find a new friend or you will never find a new guy.

(3) As much as you think you can date your ex casually and date other guys at the same time, you can't. You won't be giving those other guys a fair chance, you just won't be.

(4) As much as you think you will be better off mentally if you keep having sex with your ex while you are starting to date, you won't be. And no, this won't keep you from being sleazy or from sleeping with a new guy too quickly. You can rationalize whatever you want, but sex with the ex, is only that, sex with the ex.

(5) Yes, you will get over the ex eventually but first you need to get rid of him so you can meet someone else. Then you can take him back, but as a friend, on your own terms.

Here's what I know...Bad party pick-up etiquette

I couldn't help but observe some god-awful "party pick-up etiquette." God awful...


So here's what I know...

(1) If... you are standing right next to a girl for more than 5 minutes and she doesn't give you a smile, or a look, let alone a glance in your direction, she is either fully not interested in talking to you or super immature and playing the high school game. (And if you are 40 plus, you should not be interested in playing that high school game back!)

(2)If... you know you are a pretty damn good story teller, and you are telling a pretty damn good story, and the girl you are trying to pick-up is blackberrying the whole time you are speaking, she is either fully not interested or again, super high school immature. And again, you should move on!

(3)If... your only way of getting a girl to stick around to talk to you is by buying her a drink and you know that as soon as that drink comes, she is going to "have to" go to the bathroom, don't waste your money- times are tough these days. And if you do buy the drink anyway and she does walk away immediately, accept that you were a sucker and try not to let it happen again!

"Sup"?!

Just a thought... If you had to guess whether or not a 30-something single girl would want a guy who she just started dating and hadn't heard from in several days to text her at 11 o clock at night and just write one word to her, "Sup", what would you guess??

I mean what the hell does"Sup" mean anyway? Does this guy think he is some hip-hop, gangster guy and he is trying to say "What's up" not just as "Whassup?" but now even cooler?

Hello... how about considering your audience- a 30-something single girl, living on the upper east side, who wears Jimmy Choos and DVF-does he really think that this girl would relate to, appreciate or understand the word "Sup"?! Especially at 11pm at night, especially when she was hoping for a litle more encouragement!

What is he stuck in a 50 cent video?

Ever heard of... "Hey, how are you?" Ever heard of plain old "Hi." Girls aren't so picky these days; they just wants words they can find in Websters. Remember Websters?

Hmmm... just a thought.

A thought... The lone guy in the corner

I went to a party last night; it was one of those "fashion" parties at the Brooks Brothers store on 44th St. It was sponsored by Town and Country magazine and was for Ovarian cancer research. Beautiful party, such a pretty store, good food, but somehow they forgot to invite men. In terms of the ratio of women to men, without exaggeration, probably 90 women to every 1 man; typical of these fashion parties.

And the irony of all ironies, I noticed this one guy, very handsome and well dressed, no ring and no apparent affectation, sitting on a chair, in the corner, reading the Town and Country magazine, ALONE, even with his odds stacked SO high for meeting a woman. He literally was just sitting alone. My first thought- he's gay; it would make sense considering that he was so well dressed and at a party with almost all women. My second thought, he's in a relationship/married and his girlfriend is mingling and he is sitting waiting for her, sort of like a man does when he's dragged shoe shopping at Barneys on the weekend. My third thought- maybe he's available and overwhelmed by all the ladies.

So... this made me wonder... do men actually get intimidated when they are surrounded by SO many women??? I always thought that men are like kids in the candy store and they want so many women to choose from- but is there a time or a number when so many is too many? For example, if a man had 5 to choose from, could he handle that, but 97, would that just be too many???

And then, what about the women- if they are at a party of this sort with very few men, do they just write off their chances of meeting a man that night? Or could it be that meeting that one hot guy might even be easier in a circumstance like last night- where he was alone and available for the taking???

Yet given this backdrop, lonely boy (to coin Gossip girl) was still all alone; he didn't approach and no one approached him. It was a crazy notion, especially because he was really handsome. So... I did what any self respecting matchmaker and sociable person could possibly do... I approached him.

Sure enough- fully single, not gay, double Ivy educated, good job, philanthropic, runs the marathon and most importantly, so happy to have been approached.

Moral of the story... just say hi to the lone guy in the corner... you never know!